"A Journey Through Unimaginable Grief: Trusting God's Plan Amidst the Loss of My Daughter"

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone who has supported me throughout this nightmare. Your kindness and compassion have been the only things holding me together. I truly couldn’t keep going without you. I wish I had the strength to keep writing about what I’ve witnessed, but I have to stop. Each time I try, I relive the trauma, and it becomes too overwhelming, dragging me into a place that is no longer healthy for my mind or soul. The pain is so deep, it feels impossible to escape.

What happened to my healthy daughter Danielle during those 40 days at Northwell Health Hospital in 2021 is something I can never fully put into words. How can I describe the unbearable grief of watching my child—full of life and hope—slip away, not because of her illness, but because of decisions I believe were made out of greed? There is no justice, no accountability, and no answers. All that’s left is the crushing weight of guilt and sorrow that haunts me every day.

I am tormented by the fact that the people responsible for Danielle’s death—doctors and nurses who should have been her protectors—are still working in the same hospital. I live in constant agony, knowing that the very place that took my only child continues to operate as if nothing happened. How do I find the strength to accept that those responsible for her death face no consequences? How can I forgive myself for trusting them in the first place?

Every day, I am forced to relive the nightmare. My email inbox is filled with painful memories of each day 3 years ago. I’m too scared to open, reminders of Danielle lying lifeless in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines that were supposed to heal her but instead filled her veins with poison. The sight of her like that still shatters me. How can anyone expect me to "move on" when those memories are my constant reality?

I know that many well-wishers want me to find peace, to somehow move forward, but it feels impossible. And then there are those who wish I would just shut up and go away, because my story is too painful, too disruptive to their lives or their fame. It feels like the world has become heartless, turning a blind eye to the fact that our hospitals are killing people for financial gain. Doctors and nurses, sworn to heal, are complicit in taking lives, and yet no one seems to care. I never imagined this could happen to me, but here I am, living a nightmare that so many refuse to acknowledge. Some still don’t believe what I’ve been saying, dismissing me as crazy or dramatic. But this is my reality.

The hardest part of all of this is forgiving myself. Every day, I struggle to heal my mind and heart by forgiving myself for taking Danielle into that hospital and trusting the doctors. Somehow, it’s easier to forgive the ones who hurt us than to forgive myself. But I know I can’t do it on my own. It is only through Christ that I can find the strength to keep going. I believe He will work through me because I am willing, even when it feels impossible.

As the date for my case draws near, I have faced a heartbreaking reality: many who profess to be champions of justice and freedom, and who claim to be Christians, are unwilling to fight for my daughter's case if I cannot afford to pay over $500,000. plus. They argue that without financial resources, they cannot help. This is a troubling contradiction. If you are blessed with the ability to fight for justice—whether as an attorney or in another capacity—know that you will have to give an account to God for how you used your gifts. God provides the means for those who are committed to fighting injustice, especially when it involves the most vulnerable among us, like a child of God.

The Bible says, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms" (1 Peter 4:10, NIV). If you are gifted with the ability to seek justice and choose to limit your efforts based on financial constraints, you are not fully trusting in God’s provision. He promises to provide for those who are dedicated to using their gifts for righteousness and justice.

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property... Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them... For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away” (Matthew 25:14-30, ESV).

This parable teaches us that we are accountable to God for how we use the gifts He has entrusted to us. If we let our fear of financial constraints limit our use of these gifts, we will answer to God for how we managed what He provided. God will supply the needs of those who are committed to justice and righteousness.

It’s a painful confirmation of how far we’ve fallen as a society. We’re losing our ability to see what’s right, and it’s terrifying. But I have to believe that God has a purpose in all of this, even though I can’t understand it yet. Nothing happens without Him allowing it for reasons beyond my understanding. As broken as I feel, I know He has a plan.

Thank you again to everyone who has stood by me. Your support has kept me from falling into the abyss completely. I wish I could keep writing, but the pain is too much. For now, I must stop and trust that God will guide me through. He has a plan, even when I can’t see it. And in that, I find my only hope.

The Bible says, *"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18).* This verse is my lifeline, a reminder that even in the darkest moments, God is near. We are living in a time that feels more and more frightening, a world that seems to be losing its way. But I will keep turning to Him for strength, trusting that somehow, through all of this, the pain of losing Danielle to this evil world will be used for His glory.

Thank you again to Cindy Schara, Dr. Aranda, Charles Wright, and everyone who has stood by me. Your support has kept me from falling into the abyss completely. I wish I could keep writing, but the pain is too much. For now, I must stop and trust that God will guide me through. He has a plan, even when I can’t see it. And in that, I find my only hope and never stop shedding a light on the hospitals, doctors and nurses who are following orders to kill the most innocent, and helpless Americans. When they are done they will go after each one of us if we don’t hold them accountable right now.

If you or a loved one has experienced similar deceit or mistreatment, speak out. Your voice can make a difference and help protect others from suffering the same fate.

As I continue this arduous journey, I remain hopeful that justice will prevail. For my daughter, for myself, and for all those who have suffered similar fates, I will not give up. The cost of justice is high, but the price of inaction is far greater. Pray for me, pray for justice for my child.

Rebecca Danielle’s mom forever.

www.deathbyhospitalprotocol.com

Please consider helping me fund my legal cases against Northwell Health Hospital, or by sharing my daughter’s give send go with your contacts.

https://www.givesendgo.com/JusticeforDanielle

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